I have mentioned before that fantasy can be a vehicle for social commentary and so I enjoyed coming across this blog post from Melanie Hatfield. It will reveal to you why I never leave the house without my hip flask and some single-malt! Ms. Hatfield’s debut novel: “Kingdom of the Snark: The Quest for the Sword” has just been released on Amazon and Smashwords.
And so with her permission: What To Do If You’re Being Bullied By Fairies – Melanie Hatfield :
I haven’t blogged much about my debut novel, but now I am at a point where I can admit (or should I say confess) that my first eBook, a fantasy/comedy titled Kingdom of the Snark: The Quest for the Sword, will be online by July. In my book, my heroine is bullied by fairies and I realized: What should we do if we find ourselves picked on by those mischievous pixies? Have no fear, for I have listed some helpful tips below.
1) Ignore them.
Conventional wisdom tells us to talk about our problems with those who cause us grief. This does not apply to fairies. If you tell them how their actions make you feel, they will not only continue to mock you, but will tell all of their fairy friends so they can join in and pile on the humiliation. If fairies taunt you, it is best to keep your mouth shut and wander in the opposite direction. It is important to avoid eye contact at all cost, least they cast a spell and make you dance (clothing optional).
2) Sing them a song.
If ignoring them doesn’t work, you can distract the fairies with a song. Fairies love a tune as much as the next traveler. If you have a harp, strike a few cords and see if they’ll jam with you. Before long, maybe they’ll forget that they were hassling you in the first place, or at least like you enough to allow you to journey past them without further hindrance.
3) Carry anti-magic devices.
When the fairies use their magic against you (and they will), counter their dust with crystals, a rainbow grenade, or other anti-magic device to render them helpless. Buyer beware: Never purchase such weapons from a seller you do not know. There are many merchants in the world who take advantage of fairy victims with bogus devices.
4) Give them a taste of ale.
Fairies have never been known to hold their liquor, although they love to try. It only takes a thimble to get them into a drunken state of unconsciousness. While they’re sleeping it off, you can tip-toe away.
5) If all else fails, fight fire with fire…literally.
Fairies burn easily. Sic your pet dragon on them.
Do you have any tips on how to handle fairies? Are you a fairy and think you’re just misunderstood? Tell us about it in the comment box!
Alon Shalev is the author of The Accidental Activist and A Gardener’s Tale. He has written two fantasy novels and the first reached the Quarter Finals of the Amazon Breakthrough Novel Award as of March 2012. More on Alon Shalev at http://www.alonshalev.com/and on Twitter (@elfwriter).